Question:

Asalamo aleikoum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. I would like to know your opinion in the following matter: There is no doubt that kissing a wife on the mouth and sucking her tongue is halal but what if the husband is uncertain whether his wife would like to do this or not? Should he speak to her? What if the husband fears to be rejected by his wife? There are people who do not like these things. Do women like this type of kiss? I don’t believe that many women like french kisses? Should he refrain from asking his wife?

Answer:

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

The relationship between husband and wife is like none other. Allāh has made the love between them one of His signs:

مِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُون (الروم: ٢١)

“From His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect.” (31:21)

He also says:

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ (البقرة:١٨٧)

“They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.” (2:187)

This āyah indicates that there is great physical and emotional attachment between spouses. A garment covers the body and enshrouds it. There is no barrier between the body and its garment. At the same time, a beautiful garment has an emotional effect as well. The wearer is given confidence, confidence, and happiness through their clothing.

Keeping both the physical and emotional ties of the spousal relation in mind, we come to your question. The following points will inshāʾ Allāh serve as a guide for you:

1. Do not assume that all women like the same thing. Every individual is different, and assuming that there is a default preference can lead to spousal tension and even resentment in relation to intimacy. This tension can eventually spill over to other parts of the relationship as well.
2. Islām is very accommodating in terms of intimacy. There are only a few things that are ḥarām or makrūh.[1] Otherwise, the majority of intimate acts between husband and wife are permissible.[2]
3. A husband and wife should have open communication with one another in discussing matters of intimacy.
4. At the same time, each spouse should consider the other’s comfort zone.
5. If a spouse personally dislikes a certain intimate act, though it may be ḥalāl, it should be expressed to their partner. In this way, the one who cares the most about you will realize that a certain thing is making you uncomfortable and will then accommodate this as well.
6. A fear of rejection should not prevent open dialogue between the spouses. As stated above, the one who cares about you the most will care about your desires.

In summary, communication is the key to ensuring that both husband and wife are satisfied – both physically and emotionally.

And Allāh Taʿālā Knows Best

Muftī Mohammed Wahaajuddin
Farmington Hills, Michigan, USA

Checked and Approved by:

Muftī Faisal bin Abdul Hamīd al-Mahmūdī
Darul Iftaa Canada (www.fatwa.ca)
—

[1]

 سنن أبي داود:٢١٦٢
عن أـي هريرة رضي الله عنه: قال رسول الله ﷺ: ملعون من أتى امرأته في دبرها.

الاختيار، كتاب الكراهية، فصل النظر إلى العورة، ج٤ ص١٥٥، حلبي
ولا يحل له الاستمتاع بها في الدبر ولا في الفرج حالة الحيض لقوله – عليه الصلاة والسلام -: «من أتى حائضا أو امرأة في دبرها أو أتى كاهنا وصدقه فيما يقول فقد كفر بما أنزل على محمد»

فتاوى رحيمة، ج١٠ ص١٧٨، دار الاشاعت
غور کیجئے ! جس منہ سے پاک کلمہ پڑھا جاتا ہے ، قرآن مجید کی تلاوت کی جاتی ہے درودشریف پڑھا جاتاہے ا س کو ایسے خسیس کام میں استعمال کرنے کو دل کیسے گوارا کر سکتا ہے ؟ ایک شاعر کہتا ہے۔

ہزار بار بشویم دہن زمشک وگلاب
ہنور نام تو گفتن کمال بے ادبی است

ہزار مرتبہ مشک و گلاب سے منہ دھوؤں تب بھی تیرا پاک نام لینا بے ادبی سا ہ

[2]

قال الله تعالى: {نساءكم حرث لكم فأتوا حرثكم أنى شئتم} (سورة البقرة: ٢٢٣)

الاختيار، كتاب الكراهية، فصل النظر إلى العورة، ج٤ ص١٥٥، حلبي
قال: (وينظر من زوجته وأمته التي تحل له إلى جميع بدنها) وكذا يحل له مسها والاستمتاع بها في الفرج وما دونه، قال تعالى: {والذين هم لفروجهم حافظون} [المؤمنون: ٥] إلى قوله سبحانه: {فإنهم غير ملومين} [المؤمنون: ٦] ؛ وقال – عليه الصلاة والسلام -: «غض بصرك إلا عن زوجتك»