Question:

I really believe that I am a hypocrite. Should I distance myself from my family?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh

There are two types of hypocrisy in Islam. The first one is called hypocrisy in faith, which occurs when a person outwardly declares themselves as a Muslim but inwardly rejects Islam and denies it in their heart. They do this for worldly gain and benefit. This is a grave offense and has severe consequences in the afterlife.

Allah Ta’ala says,

إِنَّ الْمُنَافِقِينَ فِي الدَّرْكِ الْأَسْفَلِ مِنَ النَّارِ وَلَن تَجِدَ لَهُمْ نَصِيرًا (سورة النساء: 145)

Indeed, the hypocrites will be in the lowest level of Hellfire, and there will be no helper for them.

The second form is when a person genuinely adheres to the Islamic faith, but their external actions do not align with those beliefs. This type of hypocrisy is often observed in individuals whose external actions contradict what they believe.

The Messenger of Allah described the characteristics of this type of hypocrisy in a hadith:

عن أبي هريرة ، رضي الله عنه ، أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال‏:‏ آية المنافق ثلاث‏:‏ إذا حدث كذب، وإذا وعد أخلف، وإذا أؤتمن خان‏ ‏‏‏(‏متفق عليه‏)‏‏ ‏

‏ Abu Hurairah ^rd narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “There are three signs of a hypocrite: When he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is trusted, he betrays his trust.”[1] [Bukhari]

The scholars of Islam explain that although this hypocritical behavior does not automatically take a person out of the fold of Islam, it is imperative to avoid such behavior at all times to ensure that our internal conviction aligns with external actions.

The Messenger of Allah taught us that faith demands sincere and consistent action that is in line with our internal beliefs. Inconsistencies between what we believe and how we act should be avoided to perfect our faith and become true believers both internally and externally.

Furthermore, it’s important to acknowledge that human beings are not perfect, and we all make mistakes. Sometimes we are sincere in our efforts, and at other times we may falter. However, as long as we strive to follow the path of Islam and fulfill our obligations to others, making mistakes does not make us hypocrites as long as we have a sincere intention to rectify our mistakes.

Even the companions of the Prophet ﷺ considered themselves to be hypocrites when they saw discrepancies and deficiencies in their character, but the Prophet ﷺ informed them that they were not hypocrites.

This hadith illustrates that reality:

عن حنظلةَ الأسيدي رضي الله عنه، وكان مِن كتَّاب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، قال: لقيني أبو بكر فقال: كيف أنت يا حنظلة؟ قال: قلتُ: نافَق حنظلة! قال: سبحان الله! ما تقول؟ قال: قلت: نكون عند رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يذكِّرنا بالنار والجنة حتى كأنا رأي عين، فإذا خرجنا من عند رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم عافَسْنا الأزواج والأولاد والضَّيْعات، فنسينا كثيرًا، قال أبو بكر: فوالله إنا لنلقى مثل هذا، فانطلقت أنا وأبو بكر حتى دخلنا على رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، قلت: نافَق حنظلة يا رسول الله! فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: ((وما ذاك؟))، قلت: يا رسول الله، نكون عندك تذكرنا بالنار والجنة حتى كأنا رأي عين، فإذا خرجنا من عندك عافَسْنا الأزواج والأولاد والضَّيعات، نسينا كثيرًا، فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم:
والذي نفسي بيده، إن لو تدومون على ما تكونون عندي وفي الذِّكر، لصافحتكم الملائكة على فُرشكم وفي طرقكم،
ولكن يا حنظلة ساعة وساعة
ثلاث مرات.(رواه مسلم)

Hanzalah Al-Usayyidi ^rd who was one of the scribes of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, reported: “I met Abu Bakr ^rd one day and he cordially asked: ‘How are you O Hanzalah?’ I said, ‘Hanzalah has become a hypocrite.’ He said, ‘SubhanAllah, what are you saying?’ I said, “When we are in the company of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and he reminds us of Hell-fire and Jannah, we feel as if we are witnessing them with our very eyes, and when we are away from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, we attend to our wives, our children, our business, then most of these things (pertaining to the life hereafter) slip out of our minds.’
Abu Bakr ^rd said, “By Allah, I also experience the same thing.
So Abu Bakr ^rd and I went to Messenger of Allah ﷺ and I said to him, “O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, Hanzalah has become a hypocrite.” Thereupon Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “And why is that?” I said, “O Messenger of Allah, when we are in your company and are reminded of Hell-fire and Paradise, we feel as if we are witnessing them with our own eyes, but when we go away from you and attend to our wives, children, and business, much of these things go out of our minds.”
Thereupon, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if your spiritual state remains the same as it is in my presence and you are always occupied in remembrance (of Allah), then the angels will shake hands with you in your beds and on the pathways; but Hanzalah, there is a time for everything.” [I.e., a time should be devoted (to worldly affairs) and time should be devoted (to worship).] He (the Prophet ﷺ) repeated this thrice.[2] (Narrated by Muslim)

The importance of maintaining family ties cannot be overstated in Islam.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال : قال رسول الله ﷺ : …من كان يؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر فليصل رحمه…(رواه البخاري)

Abu Hurayra ^rd narrates that the Messenger of Allah  ﷺ said, “…he who believes in Allah and the last day that let him join the ties of kinship.”[3]

Even if we have made mistakes or acted hypocritically, severing ties with our family is not an option. Instead, we must seek forgiveness, make amends, and work to improve ourselves. Fulfilling our family’s rights requires effort, humility, and a willingness to put aside our egos.

If we feel that our bad habits or character may harm our family, we can limit our interactions with them but never completely cut them off.

Our relationships with our family members should be cherished, and we should strive to become better people who positively contribute to their lives.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Maulana Tameem Ahmadi
Union City, CA.
U.S.A

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Faisal bin Abdul Hamīd al-Mahmudi
www.fatwa.ca

[1] Sahih Bukhari #6095

[2] Sahih Muslim #2750

[3] Bukhari #6138