Question

I am 36 year old, well educated and practicing lawyer. I have engaged in family business since my childhood. supported each and every step and decision of my father and working honestly for our family’s betterment. My father is hard working and honest person, to whom I love and respect the most. he is everything for me, but due to his strictness and unnecessary involvement in miner issues and rough language, as he is old man and diabetic patient, I ignore always since childhood. As he sees me always ask about his unhappiness and unnecessary involvement, which is not needed. As he is boss, cant avoid such.

So, I want to leave my family business, don’t want to work to him (with due respect) as he is feeling annoyed, but this step will be considered and separation. I wanted to get his affection, love and care, which he has always given to me, but situation is that, due to business transactions, personal relation of father and son is being deteriorating. I am confused, so guide steps I should take to make him and Allah happy.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

First and foremost, dear brother, we commend you for your concern in striving to attain the love and pleasure of your father. Because as we know as Muslims, the pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of the father.

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr relates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of the father, and the wrath of Allah is in the wrath of the father.”[1]

Now, the question that remains is in a situation like this is, does your father require your assistance and help at the business? And is this business the means by which he sustains himself? If the answer is YES, then as a son, it is binding for you to assist him and be there for him in taking care of the business.

If however, he is not in need of your help and has other workers to take care of the business, then you will have to see: does he want you and expect you to work there? If yes, then attaining Allah’s pleasure is in going out of your way to please him.

Allah Ta’ala says,

وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا

“And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, ‘My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.’”[2]

It has been narrated by Hisham ibn ‘Urwah from “Urwah ibn Zubayr ibn ‘Awwam, “…Humbleness with one’s parents means that you should not refuse anything they request (as long as they do not command you to do that which is unlawful).”[3]

‘Allamah Khalīl al-Nahlāwī writes, “…and from the rights of the parents is: to obey them in that which is permitted in the religion, for verily the pleasure of Allah is in their pleasure and the wrath of Allah is in their wrath…”[4]

From the above points we understand that obeying them and following their orders in the permissible things they ask us to do is the means of attaining their pleasure. One should strive and sacrifice to do this, simply because in that is Allah’s pleasure. It could very well be that through that one act of obedience and sacrificing one’s comfort and desires for their pleasure, we attain paradise and everlasting success in the hereafter.

If however you are in a predicament that even working at the business is a cause of annoyance and leads to your father’s displeasure, then you need to have a discussion with him. Respectfully ask him as to what he wants from you. If he demands you to stay, then you should tell him if your staying will lead to his displeasure then you do not want to hurt him, seek his permission to opt out of the business. And if he allows you to go then you can go. It is important that you communicate these matters clearly to him. If despite all that you have done, he still becomes annoyed and displeased, then Allah is fully aware of the intention of your heart.

Allah says,

رَّبُّكُمْ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا فِى نُفُوسِكُمْ ۚ إِن تَكُونُوا۟ صَـٰلِحِينَ فَإِنَّهُۥ كَانَ لِلْأَوَّٰبِينَ غَفُورًۭا

Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts. If you are (truly) righteous, He is certainly All-Forgiving to those who ˹constantly˺ turn to Him.

In other words, despite the fact that you strive to please them, and they still become annoyed with you, then ultimately, it is your Lord who knows fully well what is within your hearts in your sincere intention to please them.

Lastly, we advise as Abu Darda advised a man who came to him.

في مسند أحمد وصحيح ابن حبان: أن رجلا أتى أبا الدرداء فقال: إن أبي لم يزل بي حتى تزوجت وإنه الآن يأمرني بطلاقها قال: ما أنا بالذي آمرك أن تعق والدك ولا أنا بالذي آمرك أن تطلق امرأتك غير أنك إن شئت حدثتك ما سمعت من رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم سمعته يقول : ( الوالد أوسط أبواب الجنة فحافظ على ذلك إن شئت أو دع ) قال : فأحسب عطاء قال : فطلقها

A man came to Abu Darda and said, “My father continuously pressured me to marry a certain woman, and after I married her as he wished, he is telling me to divorce her. To this, Abu Darda responded, “I cannot advise you to disobey your father and I cannot tell you to divorce your wife. However, if you like, I can narrate to you a hadith that I heard from the Messenger of Allah. I heard the messenger of Allah say, ‘The father is the central most prominent gate of Jannah.’ So you may preserve that gate if you like, or not.”

We cannot tell you to leave your father’s business, nor can we advise you to remain in a situation in which you are constantly annoying him. This is a matter that requires wisdom, good judgment, and diplomacy. Seek assistance from Allah, plan out what you are going to say in a respectful manner and have a serious conversation with him. In Sha Allah, if your heart is sincere in being kind to your parents and obedient to Allah, Allah Ta’ala will make a way for you.

وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا _ وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ
وَمَنْ يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا

And whoever fears Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Verily, Allah attains His every end. Allah has given everything an exactly determined due measure.[5]

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Maulana Tameem Ahmadi
Union City, CA.
U.S.A

Checked and Approved by:

Muftī Faisal bin Abdul Hamīd al-Mahmūdī
Darul Iftaa Canada, Edmonton
www.fatwa.ca

[1] سنن الترمذي ت – دار الغرب الإسلامي (3/ 374) 1899# –
حدثنا أبو حفص عمرو بن علي، قال: حدثنا خالد بن الحارث، قال: حدثنا شعبة، عن يعلى بن عطاء، عن أبيه، عن عبد الله بن عمرو، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: رضى الرب في رضى الوالد، وسخط الرب في سخط الوالد.

[2] Sura Isra, Ayah #24

[3] أحكام القرآن للجصاص – دار الكتب العلمية بيروت (3/ 256)
وقال هشام بن عروة عن أبيه: {واخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة} قال: “لا تمنعهما شيئا يريدانه”. وروى هشام عن الحسن أنه سئل: ما بر الوالدين؟ قال: “أن تبذل لهما ما ملكت وأطعهما في أمرك ما لم يكن معصية”

[4] Al-Durar al-Mubāhah fil-Hazar wal-Ibāhah; pg.282

[5] Sura Talaq, Ayah #2-3